Feel your feelings and don’t run from whats nudging you.

Ahh I feel like some blog posts I begin to talk in circles or some maybe repetitive in terms of what I’m feeling or how heavy this year has been for me . When I wrote on my vision board I wanted to be free, the Lord said okay . Let’s get your big girl panties on and get to work . 

Wait, I didn’t mean it like that, LOL the push and pull I have endured . The endless weakness in the knees, sobbing on the ground, wondering why me , the snotty nose and swollen eyes were  my daily routine . The writing , the learning and the meditating that needed to take place .

Those treacherous but healing calls with my pastor discussing moments and times I was in a dark area or wicked things happened to me or the trauma I felt of losing my bestfriend my father . The moments I was raped and remembering how vulnerable I felt . Those reports of STDs I got from people I trusted with my body and heart . The abortions that I had . The friends that used and abused me , the bullying I experienced in my workplace . The tension and the strain on my immediate family .

You see, I had to pedal back to things I experienced over the years . Those triggers made me spiral . It doesn’t make sense, but it makes sense to him .