Let the beauty of what you love be what you do. - Rumi
While I was in high school I always knew what I wanted to do once I graduated. I always knew I wanted to be a nurse or EMT , I wanted to be in the medical field .
The compassion and empathy I carry , I always wanted to help others . School was always a struggle for me. I was a unique type of learner . I always had to study more in depth and re-read things over and over again until it stuck . Constantly taking notes and trying to comprehend what was being taught was a struggle . I knew nursing would be tough but I dove in head first, believing if I set my mind to it I could do it . Even if it took longer than others , even if I needed tutors or a recorder to listen back on from a lecture .
It was in my studies that I knew maybe there was a reason I was meant to be a nurse and that was later preparing me to take care of my father . I had just completed my first year of nursing when my dad got sick . I had just finished my clinical work at a long-term care facility , the most rewarding yet laborious experience of my life . I contemplated if I was cut out for this, but it wasn’t about me, it was about what God had prepared me for .
That winter, my dad was diagnosed with stage III Esophageal Cancer . Our world has turned upside down . I’ll never forget that feeling , the words and the smell of that endoscopy unit and the phone call we received while my mom and I waited for my father's fluoroscopy procedure to be completed . Our stomachs dropped as we got the call . Proceeded to drop our forks from breakfast and sprint back to the hospital . Sobbing in a fetal position, wondering why him, why us . What my father had to endure and the pain he had to go through was dreadful .
I had the opportunity to work at a medical clinic part time as my father began treatments and surgeries that year . It gave me the flexibility to work and take care of him with the help of my family. I knew I had to put nursing on hold and decided going back for my second year wasn’t an option . I always think about that . What if I finish nursing? What would life be like as a full-time nurse? It’s still a passion of mine and I would hate to close that chapter after all these years . So I decided on completing other diplomas in the medical field . I felt that would make up for what I really wanted to do .
So there I went, completing 3 and half diplomas in the medical/dental field over the course of 5 years . I felt at the time if I were to complete all these I might be able to transfer credits and courses to then finish my nursing down the road when my dad was in remission . Well, that wasn’t the case and to complete my nursing I would have to take several other courses on top of what I already had just to be considered . Apart from me, I was lazy, but the other part of me held fear . Fear in a sense. I don’t know if I can do this. Am I smart enough? Can I handle this? So many things ran through my head as I contemplated registering for the required courses .
It’s been 13 years of working in the medical field since my first year of nursing and working at several clinics , hospitals , and universities . From family physician offices to fertility clinics , to the ENT unit at the UAH , to long term care /Dementia units . I’ve been exposed and gained knowledge and understanding throughout my career . Working in high pressure areas with several different Drs and specialists/fellows/ residents. Working along side many health care professionals and treating numerous patients, it really is such an honour to treat and help them . So here I am contemplating if I should say goodbye to my nursing career or hello to the next stage of the nurse I’ve always wanted to be .
